Happy New Year!

Today finds me deep in thought, which at times I have to confess is a little hard to do! But I have found I am feeling a little blue, no relation to the blue moon tonight. This will be my first New Year's Eve and day away from my husband, Mike. He is back in South Carolina, right now making a pick up and taking it up to New Jersey. But the exciting part of his trip is he will be able to hook-up with my daughter Raelyn and her husband Mitch, who live in Hagerstown, MD. I am extremely envious right now but excited for all of them. I am hoping he will be home before his birthday which is the 6th of January. But there is nothing like spending a holiday alone. Don't get me wrong, the peace and quite is very appealing, Dani is going to a church youth dance tonight so I will have the opportunity to sit down with a soft drink and a good book and relax. Next year is still ahead of us...not knowing what is in store but hang on to your seat belts, it may be a bumpy ride. Happy New Year everyone!

A New Year Is Approaching!

It seems it's been awhile since my last blog entry...shame on me! Especially for someone who enjoys blogging and telling all. I guess I have been paying too much attention to my other blog (angelswithdisabilities.blogspot.com). So I thought I had better update on what is going on in my family.

Let's see...my granddaughters are doing great. Keeping me busy and tired for the most part. I don't see how I did it with four children...I guess I was younger back then. But these grandchildren keep me feeling young and happy. When I am missing my husband, because he travels alot, I just have to spend a little time with Kaitlyn and Kyla and I feel better. Even a little phone call picks me up. I have a new granddaughter, Ami Jane who is adorable. I can't wait for her to get a little older to come out and play with grandma. We got to spend some time with her on Christmas and I loved watching her. Danielle is doing great. She is finally fully transitioned into junior high, no more transition school for her. She is also on the honor roll. I am so proud of her. Mike, my wonderful hard working husband is still driving long distances. Right now he is on his way to North Carolina. I was pretty lucky to have him home on Christmas Day. But we won't be together on New Years. The rest of my children, Brenna, Ashley and Raelyn are all doing good. Brenna and her husband are due with their third girl here in February, Ashley is engaged (haven't set a date yet) and Raelyn and her husband Mitch are plugging along in school.

This coming year will find Mike, Danielle and myself going to Bryce Canyon in June for our anniversary trip. We are so looking forward to camping and four-wheeling and being together for a few days. Mike and I will be celebrating 8 years of marriage. We are happier now than we have ever been.

I hope and pray that the New Year will be a prosperous year for my family and friends and our extended family. I look forward to new adventures and anything that may come our way.

By the way...the picture of Mike is on Christmas morning. He just got his wedding band back after two years. He had to have it cut off because of his hand surgery. He was so excited to have it back on! I was excited to give it back to him! :)

Standard Examiner/Ogden/Utah Article

I co-teach a class here in Utah with Allies with Families called "From Hope to Recovery". We had our local newspaper come to our first meeting last Wednesday and they did a nice piece about our group. The picture is not the greatest because of the look on my face but the activity that we did was profound. I have included the link if you want to read it first hand, if not I have copied it right below. Here is the article:

Group helps families cope with mental illness
By Chris O'Nan
Created Oct 5 2009 - 10:42pm
Standard-Examiner Davis Bureau
CLEARFIELD -- Gary Smith stood before a group of family, friends, teachers and health professionals as they piled demands upon him in the form of cleaning supplies, pots, books and medicine bottles.

Each member of the group held one end of a piece of string and attached the other end to Smith to represent their ties to his daily life, all making demands and saying, "Is that too much to ask?"

Smith said he felt "strung up and weighed down."

The exercise was part of a From Hope to Recovery meeting that is helping people care for mentally ill children with support and information.

After the activity, the group discussed ways they could get help from others and eliminate some of their daily pressures.

Smith, of Washington Terrace, said he has dealt with mental illness within his family for most of his life and wants to share his experiences with others.

Karen Greenwell, program manager for Allies with Families, directed the program. Allies with Families is a nonprofit organization that provides support, education and advocacy for families who have children with mental illness. The organization is funded with federal, state, and local grants and contracts.

"Our goal is to have one From Hope to Recovery program every quarter in various areas of the state," she said.

During the meetings, volunteer program teachers Susan Seper and Diane Hess lead the group with PowerPoint study materials, discussions and activities.

The group focused on such areas as:

SBlt The impact mental illness has on family members, including siblings, and ways to cope with various situations.

SBlt Diagnosis of illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, ADHD, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety and eating disorders.

SBlt Navigating the mental health system.

SBlt Helping children with mental illness succeed in school.

SBlt Education about services provided for people with disabilities.

SBlt Self-care and coming to terms with a mental illness diagnosis and daily living.

"As a parent of a child with mental illness, I want to give other people hope so they can do more than just survive," Seper said.

"I took this program myself, and found coping techniques and support so we could be successful in dealing with day-to-day living."

She said as a single parent, every aspect of her child's treatment and life needed her close attention.

"I was the one who had to make every appointment and respond to every call from the school," she said. "Everything depended on me, and I had no help."

Seper said she learned through the program how to get help in the school and what services were offered for her son.

She said she also became better prepared to respond to medical professionals.

"I met other parents in similar situations," she said.

"We exchanged phone numbers and called each other and talked. It let me know that others were in the same situation, and I was not alone."

She said because of the help the program provided for her family, she decided to volunteer as a teacher to share with other people, so they could have the same experience.

"We still have our struggles, but I am better able to cope with things as they come up," Seper said, "and I can better explain our situation to others so we can get help."

News Featured Health Chris O'Nan Clearfield Davis

My Soccer Girl

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Where Did the Summer Go?

I remember last year, by the time school rolled around Mike and I had been camping and ATVing so many times it made my head swim, but this year I think we have been out four wheeling less than five times. I think it has something to do with my broken ribs but I pretend not to because I have been back on our "Black Beauty" since the accident. Mike and I have just found that this year our lifes are a little more busier than normal. We can't figure out why or whats different, well one thing is different, Mike drives more back east runs than before. Right now he is parked somewhere in Pennsylvania with a delivery in New Jersey sometime tomorrow. We are finding that most trucking companies are sending their drivers further and further away and gone for longer periods of time. Right now, Mike is gone on the average for close to two weeks. Makes it hard on a marriage let alone family time. When Mike gets home it is usually for one-two days then he's off again. But we both can't get over how fast the summer has gone. For the small trips we have had we have enjoyed every minute of it. I am thankful that I married a man who has the same interests as I do. We are no different than any other couple, we have our fights, disagreements, but in the long run we wouldn't be without each other. This picture was taken up around Lava Hot Springs, Idaho. We were taking a Sunday drive with Mike's brother and his wife (Don and Irene) looking at camping property. Can't afford anything but it was a great drive and time spent together.

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What is a family...Wish I fit in...Somewhere!

Every summer so far, give or take a year, my husband and I have a family campout, where both sides of our families get together for fun, laughter, games, and good food. A chance for Mike and I to have as many of our children with us as possible. Since the day Mike I got married, my daughters, except Raelyn, accepted Mike as my new husband. In time, he earned the trust and love of my daughters. Mike always said that being a step-father was just as important as being a natural father. To this day, my daughters call him "Dad". He feels rich in many ways for his relationship with "His" girls (as he calls them). On my end though, Mike brought three sons into our relationship. I don't think, even today, that his sons have ever accepted me. I don't ever want to take their mom's place but I wish they could understand it is okay to love more than one person. If not love then it's okay to have a friend in their dad's wife. But I also understand that my husband's relationship with his sons is kind of volatile. It has been that way for along time from what I understand. This is frustrating to me because I raised my daughters that family is everything. Even when my ex-husband was not so much involved with the family, I taught them to still respect their dad. I tried to carry that on even after the divorce, not always successful because of hurt feelings, etc. But today I see the wisdom when the psychologists tell divorcing parents to not say bad things about the other parent in front of the kids. As far as my relationship with Mike's sons...I would have to say I am hurt, I haven't done anything to them accept open my own home up to two of his sons so they had a place to live and I feel my home and myself was disrespected. It has gotten to where I have a hard time trusting...I look on their FB pages for some kind of acknowledgement that I am related...somehow or how I have touched one of their life's, or even a thank you for helping out when it was needed or thanks for the good times and nothing. Maybe I am just opening myself up for the hurt. I just hope and pray that one day, and it maybe many moons down the road, that they realize that Diane is not as half bad as others say. I don't want to be their step-mom...I just want to be Diane...married to Mike. I matter and I have feelings that run deep. So for now, I am stepping back...way back from Mike's side of the family. I am tired of feeling like the bad guy or unwanted visitor when my own daughters were raised to open their hearts and minds to other family posibilities. That's the two differences in Mike's family and mine. I'll still carry the hope but I won't put my heart out there anymore to be walked on by things some of his sons say or have said to me or to my daughters.

She Made It!

Danielle made it three weeks ago, safely via airplane to Maryland and she has had a ball. I am so jealous of the places that she has been. One week it was a grand tour of Gettysburg then she had a tour of the White House and saw all the great monuments of Washington DC. As you can see here, this was after the tour. She has made some good friends there too. But the main important thing is that she got to know her older sister better, which I am so thankful for. And the most amazing thing is they are not enemies! LOL!

Danielle comes home this Saturday, I've missed her. Not the same without her little spirit around our home. The rest of the summer will be doing family outings, getting ready for the new school year. Etc. Life is one big challenge after another, but what fun it is!

Cute Happenings! Made me Laugh!

This week has been a little stressful, not only getting my daughter Danielle ready for her trip to Maryland but my oldest daughter Brenna and her two daughters, Kaitlyn and Kyla were off on a trip of there own to California to visit Brenna's dad for a week. My children are everything to me, that includes my granddaughters. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't either talk to one of them, (mainly the out of state daughters) or see them. I can honestly say that I am addicted to my grandchildren. I know that sounds terrible, but they bring me such innocent and wonderful joy!

But anyway, last night (Thursday night) I had made up little bags for KD and Kyla with coloring books, crayons, cookies, my little ponies, juice, etc. And I made up one for Brenna too of course. This is something I did for my kids when they flew to California to visit my dad. Anyway, KD told me thank you but Kyla was asleep. Kyla (19 months old) called me this morning doing her jabbering to say I am sure, thank you grandma. Then Kaitlyn called me later in the morning, from the airport. She told me she was on the plane and she was excited. When I talked to Brenna she said they were waiting in line but KD called it the "plane port". I was tickled that she called me. Then later in the day after 2:30pm Kaitlyn called me again to make sure I knew she was there and safe. Those little calls and thoughts just warm my heart.

Then my sweet daughter Danielle. She is so excited to be going on her trip, she came home, got my big suit case, and piled her clothes in and zippered it...she was ready to go. So tonight I sat down with her in the livingroom and we went through what she had. Actually, she didn't do so bad. But in her backpack, she was trying to take too much with her. So we downsized, got her outfit together for her trip, went over basics, made sure I had her important documents together and I think we are ready. I did get a message from her sister Raelyn, in Maryland that they have reservations for the White House on Thursday. How exciting is that? But I worry about all this over loading her, but I have complete confidence in her sister (Raelyn) that she will be just fine. I am so excited for them both, to spend time together, do some fun things, etc. I am real jealous now.

A Week from Hell...

If there ever could be a week from hell...it was this week. I think the long weekends are harder to deal with sometimes than a regular work week. At least in our family. Not only does it upset the balance of Danielle here at home but it doesn't set a good tone at work for me, because I am thinking of the good times I had over the weekend or just wish I was at home lounging on the couch or actually taking a mid-day nap. Only in my dreams. It's Friday night and I am sitting here at my computer almost falling asleep, but felt I needed to put some words down. I am grateful for my family and for the slack they pick up for me when I am at my lowest. I don't know what I would do without them. Especially when it comes to the care of Danielle.

This is going to be short because I am falling asleep. Love to you all!

My FAS Angel/Danielle

I have to say a few words about my daughter Danielle. What an exceptional young lady she is. Having been choose to be her mother here on earth and for eternity has been a challenge. I knew from the day I grabbed her out of her birth mother's arms that I was in for the journey of my life. Even though my family felt otherwise, I knew. It was testified to me the weekend I was down in Texas for my sister in laws funeral. I was sitting in sacrament, holding this 4 week old angel and the spirit spoke to me so loudly that she was to be my daughter. I also knew then that there would be challenges, but I never imagined how many challenges. Her disabilities became apparent when she was around 3 years of age. We have been involved with counselors and doctors since that age. We have been up and down with so many emotional problems, different medications, even 8 months in the State Hospital in Provo. But as I look at this incredible young lady, I see a different kind of spirit from her. Not one of despair but one of hope. Even though the chips are no in her favor for her future, she has a dream, and as her mother it is my God given job to direct this special spirit daughter.

In the meeting I had with her psychiatrist today, I was told she should even try driving, mainly because of her learning disabilities. But there is a future for college. There are accomodations that the colleges give for kids like her. There is also training that she can start receiving when she is 16 to help her prepare to be on her own someday, how to ride the bus, how to organize her life. She already knows how to take care of herself, she is a great cook, she cooks me breakfast sometimes. So...if anyone who reads this and knows my Danielle, you definately know how special she is. There are so many organizations that educate not only the passerby but mainly for those women who are of conceiving age, do not drink alcohol beverages during pregnancy. One drink can destroy so many brain cells creating Fetal Alcohol Syndrome kids. I ask that we all educate ourselfs and pass the information on. Also we educate ourselfs how to help these special kids and adults with this terrible life disorder. Another organization to get familier with is NAMI. There is a chapter here in Salt Lake.

Danielle and I believe that knowledge is power and the power is in each one of us.

Faith...

What is it about "Faith" that has us as a society constantly questioning ourselfs, our abilities and especially where we are going? I should think that if we were to use our faith the worries would be less, at least my stomach wouldn't be in a constant knot. But as my youngest daughter grows up and is going through her own turmoiled times, I find that my faith is constantly shaken. I want to use my faith to know that Danielle will be fine, that she will have a long and productive life, that she will be able to make good choices. A part of me questions all that, especially when she doesn't use her common sense. But to use my faith, I need to rely on my Father in Heaven to direct not only myself, but Danielle on her journey. And I need to let go and let Jesus take the wheel (as the song goes). My newest worry is having Danielle take a four hour plane trip to Maryland to my daughter's house for two weeks. The four hours on the plane concerns me, will she be okay, will she be able to keep herself entertained, etc. I have talked to her counselor, her psychiatric doctor and it seems to me it is me that has the problem, not Danielle. That should tell me something...it's not her...it's me! So, this is where faith comes in. I just have to know that God in Heaven has a plan and I am not in control, I never was. I need to give up the reins and let someone else drive for me. That should go in every aspect of my life. With my husband, family, work, finances, etc. I know the Lord will NEVER give me anything that I can't handle. I know that Danielle is an amazing young lady. She has overcome so much in her life, all the challenges, her disabilities and especially living with her mom. She has this wonderful talent with art. She can imagine anything, close her eyes, think it, then draw it. Another gift is her song/poem writing. I am amazed at what comes from her. I consider myself the luckiest mom to have raised her.

Spring time and new beginnings!

There is nothing like springtime, where the winter finally wears off, the snow starts to melt and it is a joy to be outside, listening to the birds first thing in the morning when I wake up. It's a gift from God. There are other gifts of God that surround us each day. My family is one of them. I am blessed to have four beautiful daughters and two extra beautiful granddaughters. Just recently, during General Conference weekend, we took a trip out to the Knolls, out by Wendover to camp, eat, ride our ATV's and be together as a family. Mike and I have always had out big ATV and felt it was time for Danielle to have her own. So we found a 125cc 4-wheeler and we named it "shortie". At first Danielle was afraid to even get on our monster (we have a Polaris 800 Touring) but she got her gear on and mastered the beast. Then she got on shortie and she never looked back. That coming from a girl with hardly any self confidence. That trip we took our oldest grandaughter, Kaitlyn, with us. She was afraid to get on with grandma but by Sunday she was strapped to me, sitting in front of me with her helmet and gear on having the time of her life. Those moments are so much more cherished than sitting in front of a TV and not enjoying life. The following weekend we decided that Danielle needed more practice time on "Shortie" so we went up to Farmington Canyon with my husband, his brother and Danielle's cousin Shaun. She was doing great until she decided to follow her cousin up a steep hill, she hit a boulder and lost control, toppled over, and her 4-wheeler landed on top of her. I was scared half to death. I drove back to the parking lot to get my car, picked her up and took her to McKay-Dee in Ogden. Nothing bad, she just sprained her knee...doing great and ready to get back up on "Shortie".

When something like that happens it jerks us back to reality about how precious our family is and what they mean to us. I thank God everyday it wasn't anything serious, I actually thought she might have broken her leg, but luckily no. It's also a good reminder to slow down. That's what I love about riding our ATV. Freedom to feel the wind through my hair, to have my husband in front of me, it's special time for him and I. When our daughter Danielle was in the hospital last summer, we bought the ATV to give us something to do, and that machine has brought our marriage together even more. We have always been close, we have been through so many hard times and trials, but we have always been able to stay close to each other. Yes, it's hard being married to a truck driver, especially when he can be gone for up to two weeks at a time but somehow, through everything, we remain true to each other.

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Let the Good Times Roll!

Family...it's that group of people you love to hang around with. It's the people who love you for who and what you are. It's where we feel secure when we are away from the everyday stresses and worries. It's that group of people you call at the last minute and say "what are you doing for dinner" or "hey, let's go four wheeling." That is what we did yesterday. Mike and I got together with our favorite family members and went down to "Five Mile Pass" and drove those trails. It was a gorgeous day, started out cold but within a couple of hours we were taking off our snow gear and just enjoyed the sun, the breeze and family. This one of the things we love to do together, whenever my husband is home we all get together and hit the trails. There is nothing more freeing and exilerating than riding the trails on a mountain side. Mike and I have a wedding anniversary tradition, we take three days off during our annivesary week and go camping up Logan Canyon, Left hand fork, and ride all through those trails, dutch oven cook, spend time alone, then on friday night comes Don and Irene (Mike's brother and my sister in law) and we do a big trail trip on Saturday. We have that set again this year. Then in August is our big family campout where my side of the family and Mike's side get together for the weekend and have lots of fun.

Family...that is where peace comes from, it's that little bit of heaven.

Time In a Bottle!

Have I ever discussed my husband's occupation? No? Well, first and foremost, he is a long haul truck driver. He has always drove some kind of truck all his life. First with UPS, then out own trucking company (DMD Trucking) now with Miller Brothers out of Hyrum Utah. After we got married, I had asked Mike what his dream was. He said he wanted to own his own trucking company. I said let's do it! We did just that. I drove with him (he taught me how to drive a big rig) and we took Danielle with us, home schooled her on the road. We saw a lot of country and had some of the best times together. It's a good thing he taught me to drive because one time he was so sick down in Mesquite, NV that Brenna drove me down there so I can drive the rig home. I didn't have my license then and it was scarey going through a port of entry. He said from the bed in the back to just go in and act like you own the place. I did, the officer didn't look over the books too closely and I was on my way. I did pretty good, got him home in one piece. Of course Brenna was following close behind me. Thank goodness.

The interesting thing about being married to a truck driver is the time spent apart. In the beginning...he was home every 4-5 days and home 2 days, then back out again. It was something I could count on. Now as the years go by, his routes get longer. This last trip was to Tennesse, Arkansa, Texas, Arizona then home. Just a day under 2 weeks apart. Why am I talking about this? Because just like my title "Time in a Bottle" the small amount of time we are together is just that...TIME! And it is so precious. There is no time to argue, to be petty about the small stuff, to sit across the room from each other while watching TV. The time is spent sitting close to each other, holding hands, just being together. We cook together, talk, go visit his family together. Then it's back on the road again. Yes, it is hard but it brings eternity into perspective, I may not spend much time with him on this side of the veil, I will spend a lot of time with him on the other side. For some reason it works. So we should not take each other for granted because we never know when it will be our last time with each other. We try hard, and it's worth it. He will be back on the road again in a couple of days, and so begins the cycle again. :)

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Simplify Life!

Even though I work a full time job, and I am exhausted when I get home, there is something to be said about simplifying my life and those life's of my family. Which would include a meal in my crockpot, soups and stews are my husbands favorite. Save laundry for a specific day, give certain chores to my teenager and yes, when the grandkids are over they have a little responsibility, even if it is cleaning up after themselfs.

In Anne Morrow Lindbergh's book, Gift of the Sea, she states: "I mean to lead a simple life, to choose a simple shell I can carry easily, like a hermit crab." But in that same paragraph she states that she can't because of the demands of her husband, children, her roles as a wife and mother, but it is her journey to find a way to make it happen. That is the journey I am constantly on, evolving myself into a different version of what I was in a different season many years ago. I find my spirituality is excelling with each new day, my love for nature, my love for my family, grows each day.

As a good read for the future, I would recommend Lindbergh's book "Gift of the Sea". Very good and insightful.

My Awesome Family!

I have had another blog about my battle with Fibromyalgia, but instead of dwelling on the negative in my life, I want to turn around and focus on what is good and positive in my life. And if no one reads this, at least I know my family will read this and get some enjoyment...I hope.

First and foremost I want to talk about my wonderful husband...Mike. Here is a man who married me knowing I had four daughters, and one of those daughters with a mental handicap. But knowing that he took that challenge and he has been the biggest blessing to my family. We married June 20, 2002, Mike adopted Danielle legally two years after that then two years later took all of us to the Temple to be sealed for all time and eternity. Not only has he been there for me and Danielle but he has been a great dad to the rest of my daughters along with being a great grandpa. He has a love for the great outdoors, he is the one that got me interested in camping, fishing, and most of all ATV'ing. We both love to dance (which is how we met). He is my best friend, my eternal companion. He has one of the hardest jobs (in my opinion) he is a long haul truck driver and the time we have together is far and few, but it makes those times we have together that much more sweet.

Then there are my daughters, Brenna who is married to Jason, they have two beautiful daughters, Kaitlyn (almost 5) and Kyla (16 months). Then there is Ashley who lives in California and then there is Raelyn and her husband Mitch. They live in Pennsylvania (too far for me, miss them much). Then there is Danielle who is 14 and still at home. She is our special child. That will be another post at another time. Then I have three step sons and two daughters in laws. First is Adam and Jill, then Kyle then Jared and Stephanie. They bring a richness into my life. The funny thing is that I knew Kyle before I knew his dad. He and Adam sang in the same choral group in Ogden that my daughters Brenna and Ashley sang in. Little did I know I would be part of their family.

There is nothing that brings me more joy than my family. I can loose every material possession that I own but I know I will not loose my family. A perfect day to me is when it is cold outside, having my granddaughters over, running around my place and just soaking up their laughter. Or when our whole family gathers together for a birthday. Nothing could be better. To me that is what Heaven is going to be like.