A Week from Hell...

If there ever could be a week from hell...it was this week. I think the long weekends are harder to deal with sometimes than a regular work week. At least in our family. Not only does it upset the balance of Danielle here at home but it doesn't set a good tone at work for me, because I am thinking of the good times I had over the weekend or just wish I was at home lounging on the couch or actually taking a mid-day nap. Only in my dreams. It's Friday night and I am sitting here at my computer almost falling asleep, but felt I needed to put some words down. I am grateful for my family and for the slack they pick up for me when I am at my lowest. I don't know what I would do without them. Especially when it comes to the care of Danielle.

This is going to be short because I am falling asleep. Love to you all!

My FAS Angel/Danielle

I have to say a few words about my daughter Danielle. What an exceptional young lady she is. Having been choose to be her mother here on earth and for eternity has been a challenge. I knew from the day I grabbed her out of her birth mother's arms that I was in for the journey of my life. Even though my family felt otherwise, I knew. It was testified to me the weekend I was down in Texas for my sister in laws funeral. I was sitting in sacrament, holding this 4 week old angel and the spirit spoke to me so loudly that she was to be my daughter. I also knew then that there would be challenges, but I never imagined how many challenges. Her disabilities became apparent when she was around 3 years of age. We have been involved with counselors and doctors since that age. We have been up and down with so many emotional problems, different medications, even 8 months in the State Hospital in Provo. But as I look at this incredible young lady, I see a different kind of spirit from her. Not one of despair but one of hope. Even though the chips are no in her favor for her future, she has a dream, and as her mother it is my God given job to direct this special spirit daughter.

In the meeting I had with her psychiatrist today, I was told she should even try driving, mainly because of her learning disabilities. But there is a future for college. There are accomodations that the colleges give for kids like her. There is also training that she can start receiving when she is 16 to help her prepare to be on her own someday, how to ride the bus, how to organize her life. She already knows how to take care of herself, she is a great cook, she cooks me breakfast sometimes. So...if anyone who reads this and knows my Danielle, you definately know how special she is. There are so many organizations that educate not only the passerby but mainly for those women who are of conceiving age, do not drink alcohol beverages during pregnancy. One drink can destroy so many brain cells creating Fetal Alcohol Syndrome kids. I ask that we all educate ourselfs and pass the information on. Also we educate ourselfs how to help these special kids and adults with this terrible life disorder. Another organization to get familier with is NAMI. There is a chapter here in Salt Lake.

Danielle and I believe that knowledge is power and the power is in each one of us.

Faith...

What is it about "Faith" that has us as a society constantly questioning ourselfs, our abilities and especially where we are going? I should think that if we were to use our faith the worries would be less, at least my stomach wouldn't be in a constant knot. But as my youngest daughter grows up and is going through her own turmoiled times, I find that my faith is constantly shaken. I want to use my faith to know that Danielle will be fine, that she will have a long and productive life, that she will be able to make good choices. A part of me questions all that, especially when she doesn't use her common sense. But to use my faith, I need to rely on my Father in Heaven to direct not only myself, but Danielle on her journey. And I need to let go and let Jesus take the wheel (as the song goes). My newest worry is having Danielle take a four hour plane trip to Maryland to my daughter's house for two weeks. The four hours on the plane concerns me, will she be okay, will she be able to keep herself entertained, etc. I have talked to her counselor, her psychiatric doctor and it seems to me it is me that has the problem, not Danielle. That should tell me something...it's not her...it's me! So, this is where faith comes in. I just have to know that God in Heaven has a plan and I am not in control, I never was. I need to give up the reins and let someone else drive for me. That should go in every aspect of my life. With my husband, family, work, finances, etc. I know the Lord will NEVER give me anything that I can't handle. I know that Danielle is an amazing young lady. She has overcome so much in her life, all the challenges, her disabilities and especially living with her mom. She has this wonderful talent with art. She can imagine anything, close her eyes, think it, then draw it. Another gift is her song/poem writing. I am amazed at what comes from her. I consider myself the luckiest mom to have raised her.